I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
