He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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