yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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