once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
