Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
