Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
