She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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