we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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