and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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