so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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