She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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