I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
