apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
