I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
