My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
