he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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