You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
