Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
FUCK WHALES
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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