just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
