Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize