Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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