A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
