WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
