Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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