there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
