i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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