you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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