I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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