We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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