2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
are you so shy because you have an std?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
