Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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