Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You pole danced in your parka.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize