he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
