remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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