i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did I show you my penis last night?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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