Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
