Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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