A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
