im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
