pop tarts are not kleenex
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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