Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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