I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
