The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
