It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
