Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
