I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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