Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
