if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
