tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
