she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
operation harelip BJ is a go
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
