I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
