Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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