Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
