Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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