I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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