I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you just see the Batmobile???
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
