oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
