He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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