Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
