Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
