Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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