I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
In America we eat man semen.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
