I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
