are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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