How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
