dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
