god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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